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I guess I must have shown some sort of anger or alarm, because Dana grabbed my arm and held it tightly."No, Vinnie! No! I'm not in any danger. It wasn't what we thought. I'm alright with it." She said it calmly, and with obvious confidence.I let my breath out and tried to relax a bit. I was still in shock and finally I took my jacket off and hung it on the coat tree beside the door. I realized I hadn't said a word since I'd entered the room."What's going on?" I finally managed."Dad came to ... apologize, Vin. He's been trying to see me because he needed to apologize for ... what he had done." She said it quietly, but again, I was struck by how calm she was. I didn't understand it. It didn't make sense, especially after what he had done to her all those years ago."It's a bit late, isn't it?" I snarled."Yes, it is." He had finally spoken. "I can't make it right with just an apology, but it's all I have to offer. I can't change what I did, but I can't forget, either." His voice was even. No one let me ?defend? myself. The only good partis that it was soon ?forgotten.? But I ?marked? although I didn?t knowit at the time.With this fear came the anger and my distancing myself from others. Theanger got me into trouble a few times. I am ashamed of what I havedone. Over time, for the most part, I have learned to dissipate thatanger and start to love. Since I?ve been on HRT that anger has beenreduced dramatically. Even now in my anger I try to admonish instead oflashing out either physically or verbally.The result of my fear and anger was me being a lonely boy. My parentssaw that and thought after consulting with others that seeing apsychiatrist might help. I couldn?t tell this grown up anything so in asense I wasted their money. Now I could tell those shrinks how I feel,but as a kid I couldn?t. I was still afraid.Part of my fear was that I was the only one who thought that way. In asense that is true. According to statistics in the Netherlands aboutone child in eleven.
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